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  • Understand that this has nothing to do with you

  • It isn't your place to confront them

  • It isn't your place to say things like "don't self harm for me"

  • Your friend's self harm is not about you

  • People self harm for many reasons. this is not about you

  • Do not try or tell a self harmer how much their self harming hurts you

  • Do not try and police what is and isn't self harm

  • Do not report them to the school/parents/friends. This is an invasion of privacy and is unfair to them

  • If you want to talk to them about it, make sure you do it calmly and in private


  • This is NOT about you

  • Self harmers are still people worthy of respect. THEIR PRIVACY MATTERS

  • Respect boundaries

  • Respect that they may not be in a place to stop yet

  • Respect that they may or may not even what to talk about it

  • Support and reaffirm their worth


  • Do not call them out in public

  • Do not shame them

  • Do not guilt them

  • Do not point out the fact that you saw the scars. A simple "Hey, you seem like you've had a rough time lately - is there anything I can do?" will suffice

  • Do not accuse them of doing it for attention

  • Do not assume you know why they do it

  • Ask them what they need

  • Understand that you can only help a self-harmer that wants to be helped

  • Offer support, but only what you can. Do not claim that you can be there all the time if you cannot do so

  • If you have advice, tips, or tricks, make sure the person is receptive to hearing them first. A simple "Hey, I found these tips for dealing with self-harming urges, would you be interested in them?" would suffice.


  • Do support and reaffirm their worth

  • Remind them that they worth more than the scars

  • Remind them they are worthy even if they self harm

  • Remind them that they are still a person with value.

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